Three months ago on March 24, 2021 I made the courageous choice to leave everything and everyone I loved behind in San Jose and just GO. I left my lease and my roommate in our apartment we shared. I left my relationship. I left my stable job at the hospital. I left friends. I left family. I left my dog. I left a severe drug addiction. I left the chaos. Bismarck, ND was my first travel assignment.
If I am completely honest, I was conflicted every single day leading up to the one I left. Part of me could not even picture it happening for me. I had so much fear of missing out on the lives of my friends. I had so much doubt if I was making the right decision. I had voices of fear in my head (some of which people actually told me) telling me “you are going to feel so lonely,” “your mental health is going to tank,” “this won’t stop your drug addiction,” “once an addict, always an addict – this is a geographical,” “you’re going to fail,” I heard all of these and so many more. But I also heard a small, quiet… so quiet I could barely even hear it… wise voice that was telling me, “It’s time to go.”
So I went. I drove across 4 states, 1600+ miles to Bismarck, the capitol of North Dakota in 5 days. Looking back, I am so glad I chose to listen to God, to the wise voice inside of me telling me to just go for it. This has been one of the most amazing experiences of my life and an equally as amazing placement for me to learn new things and grow my skills as a social worker.
While I have been in Bismarck I have been working at Catholic Health Initiative St. Alexius Medical Center. I have primarily been in the kidney dialysis unit (KDU) working with patients with end-stage renal disease on hemodialysis. I have also worked with patients who are on home dialysis (CCPD specifically). Although that is primarily where I was, I experienced so much more “floating” around the hospital. Some of the places I got to float were:
- NICU. Working with the families of babes in the neonatal intensive care unit. Working there was intense, but so rewarding and special. I have NOTHING to compare in terms of experiences with them because I have never been a mother but it is so sacred to me that I was able to sit with the parents through one of the most traumatic experiences.
- L&D/Mom/Baby. I worked with women (and significant others) who had experienced miscarriages. I was able to sit with them and process the trauma as well as provide emotional support.
- Pediatrics. I had some very interesting cases on peds. I don’t always consider myself to be the best with kids, so it was new for me to be working on this unit. However the fact that many of the kiddos I worked with were going to psych was very humbling given my own past.
- Inpatient Psychiatry. I had obviously worked in the mental health field before but working on inpatient psychiatry was incredibly rewarding for me as well as a place to use my own experience as an addict to guide how I approached someone with substance use impacting their mental health. North Dakota was very different from California in the way that substance-induced mood disorder was enough to commit someone. That, and basically anyone with a MSW can write a hold on someone.
- Skilled Nursing (Transitional Care Unit). I learned more about Medicare than I knew before and I had the experience of giving IMMs as well as coverage-related documents to residents.
Those were just some of the highlights. I will say that I also learned a lot about Native American health and mental health because of the location. It was also incredibly humbling for me to learn from people who historically had been murdered by my people and learn how to best support someone who does not trust you (as a provider). It was a reminder that compassion and transparency as well as vulnerability are critical to this line of work and especially when working with other cultures.
Aside from amazing experiences in my career I also met so many amazing people. All of my coworkers (with the exception of one student intern) and my manager were women and honestly we are SUCH a force to be reckoned with in case management. Everyone I work with is so capable and talented at what they do. I am forever grateful that I was able to be included by everyone and seen as part of their team. Whoever ends up in the KDU permanently is the luckiest social worker in the world. The team was extremely brave and just too… they fiercely advocate for their patients and COVID-19 did not instill fear into them (almost all of my coworkers did eventually get COVID), instead it was just a thing and meeting with patients was not a thing to be avoided. That was also different from my work in California where a lot of my colleagues were a lot more hesitant.
I have to say that I hit the jackpot in terms of where I was seated too. I was in a room with another social worker and two RNs who did utilization review. We had SO many laughs, cries, and there was so much heart and love and soul in that room. We were often each other’s therapists, confidants, and shoulders to cry on when work was harder on days.
I am grateful for the other connections I met here too through people back home and through AirBnB, Furnished Finder, Celebrate Recovery, and church at Evangel. I have truly built a community here and it is SO hard to be leaving that behind and starting fresh again. It is just a testament to the fact that I can always start over and sometimes it comes with pretty amazing people and experiences.
So, this is not goodbye North Dakota. It is definitely a “See You Later” because the connections I have here are timeless and are officially forever friendships. Y’all are stuck with me 😉